Tomorrow Guy Kawasaki will hold a speech at the  AT&T Executive Education and Conference Center in Austin (Texas). He is considered to be a leading figure in the marketing domain. Basically, covered topics will be promotion of products on twitter, enhancing follower numbers, and many more hints on the same subject.

A funny hommage on the useful things one regularly stumbles upon in youtube. If you ever felt self-conscious then go ahead and listen carefully what you have to do in order to make your debut on the worlds probably most biggest stage. It enlightens and bestows upon us eternal knowledge. So, if knowledge is power, the internet seems to be full of completely useless power. Thank you Brett Erlich.

I am addicted. It tastes like cookies. I am hooked like a fish on a pole. I am dependent as the sun worshipper needs the light. It is like the universe bearing in is bosom an accumulation of stars, chances, and folks. It appeals to my scopophilic sense for there I wait with furtive glance between news feed and humanities changing face. Books tinted with adventurous stories- that is what it is. I indulge in the buoyant application jungle while twittering with friends. I praise the images and wit of my beloved and am equally repaid all flattery. My confidence grows as the power of my gangsters enhances and my chicken farm expands. I am monarch of everything and nothing at all. I smell a scent of freedom and solidarity for never before did I have the opportunity to see so much of the world and the profane. I am in love. The only pickle is that I cannot befriend him. I am curiously looking through the aquarium to catch a glimpse of the somewhat different Romeo. Touching him reminds me of the hovering gestures of a pantomime building walls in the air.

It seems to be an unbalanced attachment between him and me as he always gives and never takes, he never wants and never constraints. Just when I come across my fortune cookie, questioning the oracle for a lucky charm, it amends sans all alarm that it will grant me the favour for the tiniest demand. It tells me: “Allow me access to your haven. I will take copies of your furnishing, some pictures, a little of your friends’ data and a little more you would not even recognize!” It does not bother me much and just as I act to advance, the laconic style of my suitor sounds slide alarm. Does he aim to compose my epitaph? I cannot believe that under the pretext of false modesty my idol used me.

All of a sudden my computer crushes. An error has been detected. Everything is lost! I go wild with anger and my thoughts perennially circle around the one and only until I grab a true book and a new story begins.

It was exactly ten years ago that I got in touch with the first computer of my life. I was pretty young though and found the internet hype quite unsatisfactory. My checklist included merely one bullet point, which was to check my email account once a week just to find it empty or spammed.  So, what happened was a jovial attempt to socialize and participate in chatrooms. I really tried mightily to establish lifetime friendships but logically the chit-chat procedure ran-of-the-mill while I ran out of patience. The internet meant only a ragtag puzzle to me and I decided to take a break. Actually, just shortly afterwards I turned all the more into a lap dog of Web2.0. 

At the beginning MySpace cropped up my ken, then reasonable Skype made its debut on my stage, Facebook rapidly peaked, Rss feed pooled all that seemed relevant, newcomer twitter emerged and turned communication matters from micro to nano. One might declare the good old email rather as the decaying Polaroid camera of modern times. Even though Charlie Chaplin would go bananas I must confess that I am mad on my email account and haven’t changed it for decades. I dare not give an outlook apart for the fact that in supersonic present my personal message agent has proved absolute consistency.

Hey there!

:->

How do you do?

Why that? What happened?

&-|

Hm sounds bad.

°zz*

I know only too well- I always overhear my alarm clock! But how come?

°Ci*

Well, that’s why I simply turn off the computer earlier. Was there anything interesting?

~{):o)

Haven’t seen that yet.

&:-{) ?

Sure. I love ladies with pinned updo’s!

;-^)  +   ><((°>   –>   >:-(    +    =^..^=   –>  X-[   :-D

:-/

*iha*

Why? Emoticons are great!

…

Today is the anniversary of my sophisticated guitar rock star life and it goes along quite fine. I practise a lot and am eager to learn as much as there is. Even though my Gibson sounds great, I recently learned about this space-age invention, and immediately fell for it. One of the MIT students invented this new type of guitar and presented it at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Imagine the combination of traditional materials with digital technology but above all, the guitar can change its appearance and its sound! Think of all the different bodies- they vary in form and color. Then, just imagine an opening in the middle of the body- just ready to insert a resonator, which can provide all kind of options. The resonators reach from a warm acoustic sound, to metallic color, to rattle sounds and even up to a touchscreen-like soundboard that creates digital effects. The guitar got its name from its swapping opportunities. It’s called Chamaeleon guitar. The first time I saw the instrument, I was mesmerized. Just think of how far technology’s influence can reach. Who knows, how dominant its impact is going to be on cultural phenomena like a concert? I believe that the process will develope and transgress- imagine that it could lead to a fundamental transformation of music and life generally. Oh, dear diary, one day technology will change our lives and I’ll be playing a chameleon guitar!

cup cup cup cup cup cup cup —— cup cup—- cup cup cup

voice command is ready

“113478899″

cup cup cup

command executed

sshoo sshoo sshoo sshoo

video conference starts in- three- two- one -

“Hey John, and what do you say?”

cup cup cup cup “it’s easier” cup cup — cup cup

“But the comfort-” cup cup cup

“Just need your voice and hands-”

cup cup cup

“And the keyboard? We can’t do-”

“Just a waste of space.. and resources-”

cup cup cup

“Ok, enough small talk- can you see anything now?”

cup cup cup sshoop iik iik iik iik iik iik

“Wait— yes- in five years the corporation will revolutionize the system- no voice, no screens, no multitouch- just mental powers and big cyber trunks-”

“What!?”

cup cup cup

“no touchwall- no scanning- no iris recognition- crime will be banished forever-”

cup cup cup – cup cup

“Did the precogs say so?”

sshoop sshoop sshoop sshoop kaf kaf kaf

“we won’t need them-”

cup cup cup

“Well then the future looks bright, doesn’t it?”

kaf kaf – kaf kaf — sshoop sshoop

“yes– over.”

Howard Stern: ‘…I interviewed this Denise Richards, you know who she is- she married Charlie Sheen, has a reality show. I’m talking to her what I usually talk about and she reveals that she had’ve three breast implant jobs! Denise Richards had three breast implant jobs!! I said this is some business, this is what I’m good at! I’m good at extracting sexual information from people![...] You know Francis Ford Coppola. I interviewed him but we didn’t talk about directing, we didn’t talk about the godfather- we found out that the first time he got a lady he was eighteen years old and a 24-year-old lady seduced him!! And who would’ve thought this- he had threesome(!) and we talked about everything but the movie [...] Well, this is what I do. People love…but listen: I’m trying to sell some radio…and you know when I interviewed this…’

Interview with Guy Kawasaki: The State of Social Media from ritchie pettauer on Vimeo.

Lately, I found this interesting interview on datadirt.net: Indulging a nice chat in Vienna’s traditional coffeehouse “Sperl”, Guy Kawasaki administers valuable inside into his new project Alltop, offers advice in preventing an email account from overload, gives his opinion on Twitter and Facebook and many more. Enjoy:)

(applause)

Hello Ken! Todays issue deals with new technologies, especially with the computer. How would you summarize its outlook for the future?

(audience listens curiously, mesmerized)

Well, short and precise- there is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (charming smile)

(thunderous applause)

According to several scholars and professional opinions, numerous interpretations of Olson’s statement are possible. Therefore, the ambiguity relies in a wider relevance of the word “computer” meaning either home automation or understood as personal computer (semantic change or lack in professional evaluation…?).ending.

O_what’s he like?

C_he was extremely charming, nice, and understanding…

O_great!

C_and he could cite Shakespeare and sounded like a minstrel…

O_not bad!

C_he gave me chocolates and a bouquet of fragrant flowers…

O_ooh!

C_and we talked for hours…

O_that’s too good to be true- so what’s the catch?

C_it’s difficult to explain…

O_hm?

C_he sounds brazen and hollow…

O_oh, darling- all of them do so at times! do I know him?

C_but he’s like a machine you know…

O_haha think so too- robots would make better boyfriends, indeed. but now tell me, who is it? …

C_…

Vienna

“Martins! Finally we meet.”

“Haven’t seen each other for ages Harry…”

“Indeed, I tried to call you but your number was cancelled. What happened?”

“’Tis a long story…”

Martins scanned his companion, when his eyes fixed the gadget on Harry’s suit.

“I see you possess one.”

“Yes, sure. What about you? Do you poken?”

Martins nodded and slowly pulled out a tiny microchip out of his pocket. When they joined both items a devastating information flow ripped through the room. All of a sudden the door flung open.

“What have you been doing here, you lazy little loafers? I told you to clean up this mess and do your homework!”

“Oh please mum, we were just in the coolest scene!”

“No discussions. I have a meeting soon and before I’ll go, I’d like to see a tidy room!”

“The point is that you can’t go to a meeting without a Poken.”

“What is that again? Well, let me guess- it is one of your creative games, isn’t it?”

“No! It is a tiny device, which functions as an electronic business card. The memory capacity just suffices to upload your homepage. You just need to hold the Poken together and they’ll exchange information in less than seconds! Thus, you can get to know people whom you may find interesting without awkward chit chat.”

“Fine! And now please stop wasting my time with these groundbreaking technologies and clean up your room instead! I need to go now!”

“…These oldies with their archaic worldviews. You can lead a horse to the water but you can’t make it drink… Well, Harry where we were?”

Nokia siemens recent statement: http://www.nokiasiemensnetworks.com/global/Press/Press+releases/news-archive/Provision+of+Lawful+Intercept+capability+in+Iran.htm

In the TED talk New York Times columnist David Pogue expatiates upon the hardships of software design and frustrating technological acceleration. He underlines his standpoint with humorous examples of real life calamities and ironic comments about Jobbs and Gates. Pogue tells tales of woe, squeaking mice, overload computer crises and banal wizards but what is more grabbing is his excellent talent to please the intellect and to appeal to the senses. Thus, he makes a debut by showcasing an uploaded version of Evita and giving clever advice in how to cope with the over troubling too-much and too-fast technology of contemporary time. Indeed, Pogue not only makes one overtax ones risible muscles but soothes the nerves by describing what all of us have experienced at least once in their cyber life’s, which is a depression-filled PC. Ultimately, all upgrades won’t do if the user doesn’t know what to do with them. Pogue’s credo is simplicity… And take care when next time your voice mail howls “Don’t cry for me Cupertino!”

I wandered lonely as a cloud

That floats on high over vales and hills

When all at once I saw 123 people

Which illumined my horizon

Like a beacon of light.

It can be compared to the oracle of Delphi as it gives answers to all your questions- at least to those concerning information about a human subject. Everything you need to provide is the first and last name and “BAMMM!”

The people-search engine is cleverer than both, Sherlock and Watson altogether. It filters personal details through tons of data in less than three seconds. Additionally, I check some common social networks and “JACKPOT!”

I pump out all necessary data as there is date of birth, status, political orientation, student ID, hobbies, telephone number, address, pictures, and friends of the subject. It was too easy. I am curious and decide to google myself and thus type in my name. 3…2…1…”F***!”…

Some days ago I watched a fairly interesting documentation about data protection. It was made by famous journalist Erich Schütz in which the most prominent question is “Who has my data?” As the relevant authorities refused to give a statement I thought about a possible answer:

We know that your thorough intelligence expands a laymen’s dimension of judicial substance but we can assure you of a perfect state of security and order. There is no need of threatening to institute proceedings or similar undertakings. It is complicated but I will try to elucidate the impossible. The structure of our corporation is extremely intricate. In this cyber labyrinth we are the Minotaur and you the youth who come for a nice little chat. The enterprise is specialised in the accumulation of essential information about cyber subjects…like you. We are like hunters that seek the track of their bag, or like players of darts who target to position their arrows right beside …you. A special analytics service establishes statistics and behaviour of all internet users. There are numerous similar organisations except us but you chose to consult the best. Just think about bluelithium, zanox, affili, and grey group. The first depicts a scope of over 85 per cent of the cyber consumers, whereas the last supports brands like Coca Cola, Canon, and Pantene. Exactly this is the central argument. We want your happiness and satisfaction. Why merely demand the “who” and not furthermore inquire about the “why”? How could your knowledge upgrade itself in an escalating world without a loyal patron and a true friend who is conscious of your needs. In this respect, you learn about trendy suits, fast cars, and tasty beer without expending extraordinary effort. Why being in perennial pursuit of your inclinations, when we can take on the drudgery and support your wishes. ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished, isn’t it? I can guarantee that a high quality and responsibility constitute our philosophy. Besides, we are even winner of the famous Big Brother award…

Several weeks ago I signed up for twitter. Since then I have spent loads of time twittering about funny or unimportant things and was working enthusiastically on my own little nest, when all at once a mysterious magpie made its debut. As those sly cunning birds do not belong to my dearest buddies, I tried to ignore it for a while but politeness finally forced me to greet him. What started as an easy going chat ended up with my social destruction. There we were hanging around on my bough, magpie looking at me in a flirting and judicial air, and thus I murmured: “Good morning Mr. Magpie! Very fine weather today…” He either must have overheard the question or not be interested in polite weather talk as he brutally cut off my remark and inquired if I wanted to be-a-magpie.

Speechless and sceptic I was hanging back. How would you react if someone gently asked whether you would be interested in a plastic surgery? It may appeal to one or the other but I would probably end up like the chicken in Zaini’s chocolate advertising. Mr. Magpie, contrastingly, seemed very amused about my suspicious reaction, patted me on the back, and addressed me as his business partner (it instilled a devilish aura upon him- the things that were solely missing where his horns, hell, and a romantic campfire).

“I see you have hundreds of followers”, he said, “You are a little cyber guru and can reach everyone with your tweets. Why not make money out of this leisure activity? Why not earn wages with what you like doing? If you sign up, entrepreneurs will implement their little harmless ads in your streams. Just every 5^th tweet is going to be an ad so you can put your mind at ease. The CTR amounts over 9% and you will earn money, money, money! Are there any objections? No. Then sign up!”

Well, I was a bit shell-shocked, my blood congealed but a tritone haunted my thoughts. It was sweet music and pure gold, and its name was “money”. I decided to sign the contract and fill my purse with cash. Obviously, many shops fought for my stream as I had been so communicative and industrious in building up friendships. It did not take one week before I felt how quickly the deterioration of my reputation and followers faded away in consequence. The advertisings popped out ceaselessly. What Mr. Magpie described as hardly worth mentioning, was rather annoying and intrusive. I wrote my usual witty tweets full of pathetic remarks but soon found out that nobody took notice of them. I had lost half of my followers and some of my friends threatened to break up our twitter relationship if I did not quit these spamming bombardments at once. In short:  I was in an interpersonal twitter crisis and felt like a chocolate covered chicken more than ever.

My alarm clock sounded and I woke up. I was sweating and panicking about this awkward dream and thus turned on my computer to check my twitter account. Everything was fine. I still had 5 followers and a decent reputation. Suddenly I got a message from Mr. Magpie. It said “Be-a-magpie!” I grinned from ear to ear, while I wrote my answer resolutely. It said “Good night Mr. Magpie!”

Just right now I could be at two places simultaneously. I could communicate with several people at the same time, and by the by I could visit sites internationally. This is not the depiction of a miraculous wonder or magical trick. The incantation is merely called “world wide web”. One click suffices to break the bonds and restrictions of the past. It takes me only ten minutes to switch on the futuristic machine on my desk and obtain the knowledge of the world. There is no need of libraries or expensive archives. Numerous newspapers, media agencies, and catalogues provide relevant information, and thus, nourish your IQ permanently. Today I spent approximately four hours “surfing” (alas! I wish it had a literal connotation) in the internet and it did not make me happy. Probably one ponders what I have been doing. I listened to nostalgic songs, watched funny entertainers’ dropping sarcastic remarks about politicians, read amazing poems of contemporary artists I had never heard of before, and finally I watched Japanese cats who imitated their masters. When I switched of my personal computer I felt tired and overwhelmed (overwhelmed from an informational point of view). I had learned about one million aspects of life, and had covered topics from dusk till down (though not as bloodthirsty as Q. Tarantino). Presumably my intellect must have expanded enormously. I had gained universal knowledge. Yet, the utopian illusion lasted only until the proclamation of a new futuristic architecture trend somewhere in the undulating Japanese landscapes on some TV programme illuminated my restricted cognition. I contemplated upon my stupidity. How can this banal news give me the slip? So I decide to re-read, re-watch, and re-listen all informative news- sites. Again I started collecting the world’s curiosities until my eyes hurt and my brains ache. But the information- flow seems to re-new itself every minute. Events seem to appear non-stop: Riots in Straßbourg, earthquakes in Itlay, a Lassnig exhibition in the Leopold Museum, weather forecasts for the next decades, Springsteen concert in the not too distant future, and so on and so forth. My mission is simply impossible! I am dealing with a perennial information flow and if I continue aiming at this Faustian kind of purpose, I will soon end up like the doctor himself. Maybe a selection process is necessary in order to distinguish between the essential and the less. Ultimately, one can not know everything as every present moment is already the past of the next instance.

“But pray tell me Sir, do you know the latest news?”

“Of course. It is that today everything’s amazing, and nobody is happy.”

Louis C.K.: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoGYx35ypus