Ode to M. Email
It was exactly ten years ago that I got in touch with the first computer of my life. I was pretty young though and found the internet hype quite unsatisfactory. My checklist included merely one bullet point, which was to check my email account once a week just to find it empty or spammed. So, what happened was a jovial attempt to socialize and participate in chatrooms. I really tried mightily to establish lifetime friendships but logically the chit-chat procedure ran-of-the-mill while I ran out of patience. The internet meant only a ragtag puzzle to me and I decided to take a break. Actually, just shortly afterwards I turned all the more into a lap dog of Web2.0.
At the beginning MySpace cropped up my ken, then reasonable Skype made its debut on my stage, Facebook rapidly peaked, Rss feed pooled all that seemed relevant, newcomer twitter emerged and turned communication matters from micro to nano. One might declare the good old email rather as the decaying Polaroid camera of modern times. Even though Charlie Chaplin would go bananas I must confess that I am mad on my email account and haven’t changed it for decades. I dare not give an outlook apart for the fact that in supersonic present my personal message agent has proved absolute consistency.
I hate abbreviations
Hey there!
:->
How do you do?
Why that? What happened?
&-|
Hm sounds bad.
°zz*
I know only too well- I always overhear my alarm clock! But how come?
°Ci*
Well, that’s why I simply turn off the computer earlier. Was there anything interesting?
~{):o)
Haven’t seen that yet.
&:-{) ?
Sure. I love ladies with pinned updo’s!
;-^) + ><((°> –> >:-( + =^..^= –> X-[ :-D
:-/
*iha*
Why? Emoticons are great!
…
Dear diary
Today is the anniversary of my sophisticated guitar rock star life and it goes along quite fine. I practise a lot and am eager to learn as much as there is. Even though my Gibson sounds great, I recently learned about this space-age invention, and immediately fell for it. One of the MIT students invented this new type of guitar and presented it at the Consumer Electronics Show in Las Vegas. Imagine the combination of traditional materials with digital technology but above all, the guitar can change its appearance and its sound! Think of all the different bodies- they vary in form and color. Then, just imagine an opening in the middle of the body- just ready to insert a resonator, which can provide all kind of options. The resonators reach from a warm acoustic sound, to metallic color, to rattle sounds and even up to a touchscreen-like soundboard that creates digital effects. The guitar got its name from its swapping opportunities. It’s called Chamaeleon guitar. The first time I saw the instrument, I was mesmerized. Just think of how far technology’s influence can reach. Who knows, how dominant its impact is going to be on cultural phenomena like a concert? I believe that the process will develope and transgress- imagine that it could lead to a fundamental transformation of music and life generally. Oh, dear diary, one day technology will change our lives and I’ll be playing a chameleon guitar!
Minority report
cup cup cup cup cup cup cup —— cup cup—- cup cup cup
voice command is ready
“113478899″
cup cup cup
command executed
sshoo sshoo sshoo sshoo
video conference starts in- three- two- one -
“Hey John, and what do you say?”
cup cup cup cup “it’s easier” cup cup — cup cup
“But the comfort-” cup cup cup
“Just need your voice and hands-”
cup cup cup
“And the keyboard? We can’t do-”
“Just a waste of space.. and resources-”
cup cup cup
“Ok, enough small talk- can you see anything now?”
cup cup cup sshoop iik iik iik iik iik iik
“Wait— yes- in five years the corporation will revolutionize the system- no voice, no screens, no multitouch- just mental powers and big cyber trunks-”
“What!?”
cup cup cup
“no touchwall- no scanning- no iris recognition- crime will be banished forever-”
cup cup cup – cup cup
“Did the precogs say so?”
sshoop sshoop sshoop sshoop kaf kaf kaf
“we won’t need them-”
cup cup cup
“Well then the future looks bright, doesn’t it?”
kaf kaf – kaf kaf — sshoop sshoop
“yes– over.”
Radio Gaga
Howard Stern: ‘…I interviewed this Denise Richards, you know who she is- she married Charlie Sheen, has a reality show. I’m talking to her what I usually talk about and she reveals that she had’ve three breast implant jobs! Denise Richards had three breast implant jobs!! I said this is some business, this is what I’m good at! I’m good at extracting sexual information from people![...] You know Francis Ford Coppola. I interviewed him but we didn’t talk about directing, we didn’t talk about the godfather- we found out that the first time he got a lady he was eighteen years old and a 24-year-old lady seduced him!! And who would’ve thought this- he had threesome(!) and we talked about everything but the movie [...] Well, this is what I do. People love…but listen: I’m trying to sell some radio…and you know when I interviewed this…’
Interview: Guy Kawasaki on the state of social media
Interview with Guy Kawasaki: The State of Social Media from ritchie pettauer on Vimeo.
Lately, I found this interesting interview on datadirt.net: Indulging a nice chat in Vienna’s traditional coffeehouse “Sperl”, Guy Kawasaki administers valuable inside into his new project Alltop, offers advice in preventing an email account from overload, gives his opinion on Twitter and Facebook and many more. Enjoy:)
World Future Society
And the next guest, ladies and gentleman, is co-founder and CEO of Digital! Give a warm welcome to Ken Olsen!
(applause)
Hello Ken! Todays issue deals with new technologies, especially with the computer. How would you summarize its outlook for the future?
(audience listens curiously, mesmerized)
Well, short and precise- there is no reason for any individual to have a computer in his home. (charming smile)
(thunderous applause)
According to several scholars and professional opinions, numerous interpretations of Olson’s statement are possible. Therefore, the ambiguity relies in a wider relevance of the word “computer” meaning either home automation or understood as personal computer (semantic change or lack in professional evaluation…?).ending.
Chatroom
C_yesterday I met this boy…
O_what’s he like?
C_he was extremely charming, nice, and understanding…
O_great!
C_and he could cite Shakespeare and sounded like a minstrel…
O_not bad!
C_he gave me chocolates and a bouquet of fragrant flowers…
O_ooh!
C_and we talked for hours…
O_that’s too good to be true- so what’s the catch?
C_it’s difficult to explain…
O_hm?
C_he sounds brazen and hollow…
O_oh, darling- all of them do so at times! do I know him?
C_but he’s like a machine you know…
O_haha think so too- robots would make better boyfriends, indeed. but now tell me, who is it? …
C_…
Abstract artfullness
My dear friends, the quest for today pursued a creative interpretation of the phenomena „World Wide Web“. I hope your excellences drew most divine inspiration from the issue. Let me see. Some of you chose the minimalist way… this fleshing wide canvas… ’sans teeth sans anything’ one would say but even though you labelled the painting “Internet”, it maintains a mystical aura…in some respects. Well, now let’s see the last one. So many cobwebs, unbridled strokes, and those myriad shapes. It seems to be choreographed on some level of ecstasy, enriched with fierce riots, huddles of knots, hovering items, and no vanishing point! Sans tree, sans dog! Ha! The foreground parallel implying the background, if there can be seen a perspective after all. It is lyrical like a ballade, while simultaneously betraying the intense act of aggression. It devours me into its helix! In an endless hurl- a riddle of the world! Yes! This indeed seems to me to be the web!
Do you Poken?
Vienna. Prater. Harry and Martins are standing in a gondola of the big wheel.
“Martins! Finally we meet.”
“Haven’t seen each other for ages Harry…”
“Indeed, I tried to call you but your number was cancelled. What happened?”
“’Tis a long story…”
Martins scanned his companion, when his eyes fixed the gadget on Harry’s suit.
“I see you possess one.”
“Yes, sure. What about you? Do you poken?”
Martins nodded and slowly pulled out a tiny microchip out of his pocket. When they joined both items a devastating information flow ripped through the room. All of a sudden the door flung open.
“What have you been doing here, you lazy little loafers? I told you to clean up this mess and do your homework!”
“Oh please mum, we were just in the coolest scene!”
“No discussions. I have a meeting soon and before I’ll go, I’d like to see a tidy room!”
“The point is that you can’t go to a meeting without a Poken.”
“What is that again? Well, let me guess- it is one of your creative games, isn’t it?”
“No! It is a tiny device, which functions as an electronic business card. The memory capacity just suffices to upload your homepage. You just need to hold the Poken together and they’ll exchange information in less than seconds! Thus, you can get to know people whom you may find interesting without awkward chit chat.”
“Fine! And now please stop wasting my time with these groundbreaking technologies and clean up your room instead! I need to go now!”
“…These oldies with their archaic worldviews. You can lead a horse to the water but you can’t make it drink… Well, Harry where we were?”
Inbetween democracy, theocracy, and others
Once upon a time there was a wise man who was elected to be on top of everything for life. With a divine support he went on to spread his will and had the right to elect people who should rule over his land. But it was not enough to entrust the rest of the business on mere coincidence and, thus, they bought a watchdog that should have an eye on all the individuals of the country. With the help of this young Argus the intricate maze could be controlled and peace be established. It was lucky that the people in the country stood up against this shameful intrusion on their human rights. They started twittering messages all around. In this, they broke up the aviary and demonstrated until they should be free.
Nokia siemens recent statement: http://www.nokiasiemensnetworks.com/global/Press/Press+releases/news-archive/Provision+of+Lawful+Intercept+capability+in+Iran.htm
Simplicity sells
In the TED talk New York Times columnist David Pogue expatiates upon the hardships of software design and frustrating technological acceleration. He underlines his standpoint with humorous examples of real life calamities and ironic comments about Jobbs and Gates. Pogue tells tales of woe, squeaking mice, overload computer crises and banal wizards but what is more grabbing is his excellent talent to please the intellect and to appeal to the senses. Thus, he makes a debut by showcasing an uploaded version of Evita and giving clever advice in how to cope with the over troubling too-much and too-fast technology of contemporary time. Indeed, Pogue not only makes one overtax ones risible muscles but soothes the nerves by describing what all of us have experienced at least once in their cyber life’s, which is a depression-filled PC. Ultimately, all upgrades won’t do if the user doesn’t know what to do with them. Pogue’s credo is simplicity… And take care when next time your voice mail howls “Don’t cry for me Cupertino!”
Like a star
Today, dear colleagues, we are going to learn rules about the fine ways of demeanour in the second sphere. It is a breathless, borderless, limitless, timeless, and faceless domain. The lack of legal rules in this dimension burdens bloggers, chatters, posterers, and individuals like you with a huge amount of responsibility. Still, I am faithful in your abilities but before I let you surf into this beacon of endlessness, you have to acquire the netiquette of cyber behaviour: Participate but do not abuse. Respect other subjects but be courageous to defend your arguments. Finally, be truthful and fair. This is the receipt for those, who wish to be like a star. I see that you are raring to fly away. Well, then away with you. May you do well! And there they fly. Their shapes grow smaller and smaller until their microscopic body melts with the infinity of web2. I wonder if I will ever see some of them again. The super massive black sphere has soaked up many subjects, and still has left this strange phenomenon in exchange: Those tiny radiant brilliants hovering all over the sky.
Daffodils
I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high over vales and hills
When all at once I saw 123 people
Which illumined my horizon
Like a beacon of light.
It can be compared to the oracle of Delphi as it gives answers to all your questions- at least to those concerning information about a human subject. Everything you need to provide is the first and last name and “BAMMM!”
The people-search engine is cleverer than both, Sherlock and Watson altogether. It filters personal details through tons of data in less than three seconds. Additionally, I check some common social networks and “JACKPOT!”
I pump out all necessary data as there is date of birth, status, political orientation, student ID, hobbies, telephone number, address, pictures, and friends of the subject. It was too easy. I am curious and decide to google myself and thus type in my name. 3…2…1…”F***!”…
The Who and the Why
Some days ago I watched a fairly interesting documentation about data protection. It was made by famous journalist Erich Schütz in which the most prominent question is “Who has my data?” As the relevant authorities refused to give a statement I thought about a possible answer:
We know that your thorough intelligence expands a laymen’s dimension of judicial substance but we can assure you of a perfect state of security and order. There is no need of threatening to institute proceedings or similar undertakings. It is complicated but I will try to elucidate the impossible. The structure of our corporation is extremely intricate. In this cyber labyrinth we are the Minotaur and you the youth who come for a nice little chat. The enterprise is specialised in the accumulation of essential information about cyber subjects…like you. We are like hunters that seek the track of their bag, or like players of darts who target to position their arrows right beside …you. A special analytics service establishes statistics and behaviour of all internet users. There are numerous similar organisations except us but you chose to consult the best. Just think about bluelithium, zanox, affili, and grey group. The first depicts a scope of over 85 per cent of the cyber consumers, whereas the last supports brands like Coca Cola, Canon, and Pantene. Exactly this is the central argument. We want your happiness and satisfaction. Why merely demand the “who” and not furthermore inquire about the “why”? How could your knowledge upgrade itself in an escalating world without a loyal patron and a true friend who is conscious of your needs. In this respect, you learn about trendy suits, fast cars, and tasty beer without expending extraordinary effort. Why being in perennial pursuit of your inclinations, when we can take on the drudgery and support your wishes. ‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished, isn’t it? I can guarantee that a high quality and responsibility constitute our philosophy. Besides, we are even winner of the famous Big Brother award…
